Can someone rate my Magic: The Gathering Vampire deck?

Take out the non-vampire cards and put more lands in. You want a minimum of twenty lands in a mono-color deck. But don't heed the others about putting in artifact control unless you think you need it. Your deck is about killing the enemy quickly and needs to have that concentration of vampires. I doubt there are many troublesome artifacts that can come out as swiftly as your vampires, so unless you get completely bogged down you should have won before you have troubles.